so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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