Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We are two peas in an std pod
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
