If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
