I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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