If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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