my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
