Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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