so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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