explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
