the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
