Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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