I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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