So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
