A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
