I got chris browned last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
