On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
