You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
