Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
