my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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