I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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