So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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