Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
