in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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