Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
