Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
