Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
