I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
