i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
