you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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