First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I would ride that face into the sunset
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
