Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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