i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
cat food counts as protein by the way
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
