I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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