He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
