Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
