I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
