A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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