My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
