yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
