Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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