i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
