I'm gonna have a badass scar
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So much rum. So many feels.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
