my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
