I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
