she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
