dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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