I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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