I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Of course I have a pirate flag
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
