I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
