census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
