just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
