He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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