what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
