You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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