Ambien. No doubt about it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
