remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
