when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
