And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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