they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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