Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Soap is not a condiment
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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