And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
