Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
