In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
