yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
