So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He felt like a one man threesome
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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