So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
