first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
