She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
