last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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