Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
