My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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