I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
