You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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