A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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