In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm really busy with my period
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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