so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
