is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
