3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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