really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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