after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
operation have a gay friend backfired
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am naked and annoyed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
