I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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