So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She needs sedatives and a leash
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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