I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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