I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
