i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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