When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
