ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
