everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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