it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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