one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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