Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
