Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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