One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
