You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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